


Friendly Competition

by PierceTheVeils



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Thrawn Series - Timothy Zahn (2017)
Genre: Art Thievery, Battle of Wits, Bets & Wagers, Boasting, Gen, Heist, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Impersonating a Janitor, Military Bureaucracy, References to Tarkin, Scheming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:15:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26788069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PierceTheVeils/pseuds/PierceTheVeils
Summary: Eli Vanto challenges Admiral Thrawn to a battle of wits. What could possibly go wrong?
Comments: 24
Kudos: 25





	1. Challenge Issued

Today had been a good day for the  _ Chimaera _ . After weeks of elaborate maneuvering at the whims of Admiral Thrawn’s scheme, the Empire had brought an end to yet another pirate gang. With the vast majority of their fleet destroyed and their leader on her way to prison, Lieutenant Commander Eli Vanto doubted that group would ever trouble the Empire again.

While he agreed it was a sound victory, he wished Thrawn didn’t have to be so smug about it the evening after. Especially not on the comm with Admiral Konstantine.

“Of course an initial delay was a part of the plan. The  _ Chimaera _ needed to let the sentry ships escape so that we could locate the pirates’ flagship.” Thrawn still had a small smirk on his face from when he’d transferred the pirate “empress” off to her trial. “I thought you’d be more pleased with this development, Admiral. The pirates often disturbed your sector as well.”

“They strayed occasionally, yes.  _ My _ forces were always able to beat them back. Regardless, I’m glad you finally put an end to their reign of careless destruction in your sector, Admiral Thrawn.”

“I thank you. Now that I have delivered a permanent end to their operations, your forces will no longer need to concern themselves with temporary prevention measures. I appreciate your call, Admiral Konstantine.”

Konstantine blinked the passive aggression away, searching for an opening in his verbal spar against Thrawn. “Oh, I do hope I’m not keeping you away from your duties, Admiral. I merely called to offer my congratulations. I understand if your ship sustained heavy damages from the recent battle. You must need to oversee repairs yourself.”

“Nothing of the sort, Admiral. The  _ Chimaera  _ followed strategy well and sustained damages of mainly the cosmetic variety. I simply oversee a sector with heavy commerce traffic relative to yours at the moment, giving my forces a great many important duties that go beyond pirate skirmishes. I’m flattered you were able to call so soon after this victory, but I must confess that I am not surprised.” Eli wasn’t in the comm’s display range, so he was comfortable rolling his eyes at that last remark. Just because Konstantine missed it didn’t mean Thrawn did, however. Upon observing Eli’s disdain, Thrawn decided now was as good a time as any to wrap things up. “I thank you once again for your personal offer of congratulations. Best of luck in your efforts, Admiral Konstantine.” 

Thrawn ended the call before Konstantine could say anything else. He double checked that the comm channel was shut down before turning to Eli in earnest. “I share your displeasure with Admiral Konstantine, Commander, but don’t let him dampen your spirits. Today has been a great victory for everyone on board.”

“You don’t have to play along with him, sir.” Eli tried his best to keep the irritation out of his voice. “I know he likes to gloat, but when you play his game, there are times when you may come across to others as equally arrogant.”

“You have no need to worry, Commander. While I certainly don’t intend to portray arrogance, I am proud of what our ship has accomplished today. It is thanks to our joined efforts that those particular pirates will never distract us from our work again.”

Distracted they were indeed. Thrawn had embarked on his methodical approach believing Nightswan, his elusive nemesis, was behind the pirates’ movements. He’d realized he was wrong midway through, but by then it was vital that the  _ Chimaera  _ finish the pirates off once and for all. Now that they had, Eli imagined it was back to business as usual in Thrawn’s obsessive search.

“Are you sure it was all of us you were proud of in that call just now, sir?” Commander Faro asked as she entered. She and Hammerly had been waiting outside Thrawn’s office when the call took place, meaning they’d heard it as well.

“Of course, Commander Faro. We all had important parts to play in combat earlier, and everyone did theirs well.” Thrawn’s smirk left his face for the first time in hours. “What are you asking, Commander?”

Faro cleared her throat. “I simply mean to say it was you who planned this entire operation from the beginning, Admiral sir. As many seem to have noticed, the credit for this operation belongs disproportionately on your shoulders.”

Eli blinked, obvious signs of shock on his face. It hadn’t been that long ago that Faro had possessed an eternal suspicion of Thrawn’s capability as an officer. While he was mostly happy she’d come around, it was still a leap for her to go from that to stroking Thrawn’s ego. Maybe she was in a good mood.

“Of course it does. Admiral Thrawn has been crafting these sorts of plans since I served under him on the  _ Thunder Wasp. _ Maybe one of these days, the other admirals will acknowledge how good they are.” Hammerly smiled, still elated from the results of their mission.

“I suspect they know, or else I would not rank among them. Admiral Konstantine would do well to remember that he does not only dismiss me when he minimizes our success today. All the plans in the galaxy would be meaningless without a faithful crew to execute them.”

“He doesn’t care about us, sir. You know that. He’s just upset he can’t hold his rank above you anymore. Konstantine is an admiral because of politics; you are despite them.” 

“I don’t know if there’s an officer in the Empire who could outmaneuver you, sir,” Faro said earnestly. “I’ve tried, and I can’t think of one.”

“Come on, guys.” Eli tried to dial it back a bit. He was happy too, but it was a pretty standard success as far as missions with Thrawn went. This level of flattery was unwarranted.   


“What? It’s true. Can you think of anyone, Vanto? Who in the Empire could ever pull one over on Admiral Thrawn?”

Eli thought about it for a second. “The tales of Governor Tarkin’s military career always impressed me. His capture of the pirates in the Seswanna decades ago isn’t that different from our mission in terms of the method he used. And remember when that group of terrorists stole his ship? He and Vader were a clever pair stopping them. Lord Vader isn’t necessarily famous for his strategy, but he never lacks it either.”

Eli wasn’t trying to put Thrawn down per se, but he hadn’t intended to compliment him either. Regardless, that was how his words were interpreted. “You think too highly of me, Commander Vanto. Governor Tarkin is a legend in both military and political arenas. I would require a great deal of the warrior’s fortune to best him in military matters, much less anything else.”

“Lord Vader is in a league of his own. He doesn’t count,” Hammerly argued with Vanto. “Governor Tarkin may have been in a comparable position once, but his job is mostly political now. I’m talking about Imperial  _ military _ officers. Contemporaries.”

“Wait, hold on. I have an idea for who might be able to get the upper hand on you, sir.” Faro smiled as the thought occurred to her. “Problem is, it’s not someone we or you would ever suspect of trying.”

If she’d had Thrawn’s curiosity before, Faro now had his attention. “Who comes to mind, Commander?”

“Vanto. It’s obvious when you think about it.”

“Uh… what?” Had Eli heard her correctly? He’d never once considered turning on Thrawn. Not seriously, anyway. What gave Faro the idea he would?

Hammerly’s eyes went wide at first. Once she had a second to process, however, she laughed. “Of course! Vanto’s been with you since the beginning, sir. He knows how you operate better than any of us, which means he probably knows how to trick you as well. I can see it.”

Thrawn appraised Eli from head to toe, a curious glint to his eye. “Commander Vanto knows me, certainly. I know him just as well, however. It would be difficult for him to catch me by surprise, and I would be able to counter him easily if I knew he were working against me.”

Eli scoffed, struggling to keep a smile on his face. “Maybe that’s what you think, sir. I think a lot of what I do goes unnoticed on this ship.”

“Oh? Such as what?”

He shrugged. “Your ever-growing art collection, for one. I spend half my life with the supply officers trying to make sure your precious pieces get properly shipped and sent to your office. If I wanted to nick one under your nose, it’d be hours before you knew, if not  _ days _ .”

Faro’s shoulders slumped. “That isn’t much of a win, strategically speaking.”

“Unless it was a work of art vital to my understanding of an adversary, in which case it could affect my interpretation of their tactics and lead me down the wrong path in planning moves against the enemy.” Thrawn’s eyes narrowed to slits. “Dangerous indeed. You would never succeed in such sabotage, Commander Vanto.”

“I don’t want to! You know that.” Vanto put his arms up in a surrender, then lowered them. “But the fact remains that I could pull it off.”

“Nonsense.”

Eli sighed. He was not about to have this argument with Thrawn. “How did we even get here?”

“You’re the one who said we were wrong for betting no one could best the admiral in a battle of wits. Now you’re telling us you could,” Hammerly summarized. “That sounds like a challenge to me, Vanto.”

“I did not say that! Faro did.”

“But you agreed with me,” Faro egged him on. “Then you gave the admiral a specific challenge.”

“It was not a challenge! While I could definitely do that to Admiral Thrawn given my position, I have no reason to try it. I want the  _ Chimaera  _ to succeed just as much as he does. We all do.”

“But what if the ship wasn’t at stake? What if it were a friendly game of wits?” Hammerly plied on. “The  _ Chimaera _ isn’t going to be in another skirmish anytime soon. What if you had a day to steal some art from under the admiral’s nose? If you pull it off, we know you’re right. Admiral Thrawn is mortal after all.”

Thrawn shook his head. “There must be some stakes, Commander, or else this wager will be meaningless.”

That was the part he objected to? Oh who was Eli kidding, of course it was. “What are you going to make me do if I lose, sir? I’m already tasked with most of your grunt work.”

Thrawn thought about it, then smirked. This smirk was bigger than the one he got from deposing the pirate queen. “You will attend my next art auction with me.”

Eli balked at the idea. “But those are the longest, most protracted and  _ boring _ events known to the galaxy!” He remembered attending one with Thrawn on Coruscant just after Thrawn’s promotion to captain. Thrawn didn’t have enough credits to buy anything there, so it was five straight hours of listening to rich people jockey for old bowls. Eli almost preferred sitting in military tribunals. Almost.

“Exactly. You do not enjoy them, so you will have sufficient incentive to make an honest effort in deceiving me.” Thrawn tilted his head. “What of you, Commander Vanto? What would you have me do if you succeed?”

Ooh. Eli had to consider this. What did he want Thrawn to do? ...Oh, that was good. “If I win, you have to do your own mission report for this pirate business. It’s high time you learned how to fill out your own datawork instead of handing it all off to me.”

Thrawn nodded. “That is acceptable.”

“Also, you have to acknowledge I beat you in a ship-wide announcement from the bridge the next day, calling me an amazing officer slash genius,” Eli added, crossing his arms as he did so.

“I will do as you wish, should the situation arise. However, I would like to add my own version of a public bridge announcement: if Commander Vanto loses, he must explain his humiliation in detail to everyone on the  _ Chimaera  _ the next day.”

“This will be fun to watch,” Hammerly commented. “You have stakes. Now what’s the objective? Is Vanto stealing art from your office, sir? Is it just any piece he wants, or what?”

“I am willing to make that the objective, with a few additions.”

“Such as?”

“Vanto must wrest a specific piece away from me on a certain day. He has until midnight on the  _ Chimaera _ to do his worst. If the chosen art is in Vanto’s possession by then, he wins our wager. If it is not, he loses.”

“Do you accept those terms, Vanto?”

“I guess.” They seemed reasonable from Eli’s point of view. If Thrawn was screwing him, he couldn’t see how. “The art piece does have to be secured in your office, though. You can’t hide it wherever you want on the ship, sir.”

“Understood.”

“You’re seriously going with the art heist, sir?” Faro asked, skeptical. “Are you sure that’s the best way to settle the issue?”

“It is what we have agreed on, Commander Faro.”

Faro shrugged her shoulders at the two mens’ antics. “Great. What precious art piece is at stake in this fight? You don’t want to use one you need for battle strategy in this game. Vanto might break it.”

“I’m certain Commander Vanto is not so reckless… hm. You bring up a good point in the selection of a target, Commander. How about we even the odds on this front?”

“How so?” Eli wasn’t sure he knew where Thrawn was going with this. He could only hope he was right in his assessment.

“Commander Faro. I have shown you my art collection in the recent past. You seem to have some degree of appreciation for it. What piece do you think Commander Vanto should attempt to steal?”

She better not pick a giant statue. If Faro had any sympathy for Eli’s plight, she would be expected to choose a reasonably sized painting, something Eli could lay flat on a service hovercart and guide away. Eli used her silent deliberation time to plead with his face. Faro kept her expression pointedly neutral at first, but broke out a full sized grin when she caught Eli’s poorly executed puppy dog eyes. Then she turned to Thrawn, and a professional countenance returned to her features. “Did you ever buy that one figurine you showed me last month? Lady Vonliss?”

Thrawn nodded. “She is my most recent acquisition. I had no interest in Kohmbran art at first, but your commentary on the piece sparked my interest. I keep her around for curiosity’s sake.”

“Well, this ship is unlikely to ever patrol in a Core sector, so I doubt you need her for any battle plans at the moment.” Faro nodded to Eli. “The figurine’s about twenty centimeters tall. I don’t remember materials, but I’m pretty sure Lady Vonliss isn’t heavy either. She is my favorite piece in Admiral Thrawn’s collection, however, so don’t damage her.”

Eli did his best to recall what he could about Lady Vonliss. He thought Faro had mentioned her before, describing her as a legendary figure from Faro’s home planet of Kohmbra. “That… could work.”

“Very well. I will move the statue of Lady Vonliss from my quarters to my aft bridge office. I will secure her once I do so.” Thrawn listed his promises in rapid succession. “Commander Vanto. I will give you three days to plan your heist. While I doubt you will succeed, I have confidence you will not disappoint me with a truly dismal attempt. I am most interested to know what you come up with. In the meantime, complete your business as usual.”

“Yes, sir.” Eli saluted, then departed for the night. He made a few jokes with Hammerly and Faro on his way out, but it wasn’t until he returned to his quarters for the night that reality caught up to him.

What was Eli doing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had the idea for this fic about a month ago. It's been living rent free in my head since then just begging to come out. Originally it included a frame story as well in which Eli is recounting the story to Ezra post-Rebels finale, but I decided that made the fic too complicated.
> 
> I love heist stories though. My original story that I'm taking to NaNoWriMo this year is a heist story. I can't wait to do a comedic one with Eli and Thrawn. These two have a lot of potential for escalation since both are used to pulling off elaborate hijinks on their missions.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the opener. I start writing the heist attempt(s) first thing tomorrow!


	2. Heist Attempted

Three days later, Eli was no more certain about his plan than he’d been on the day he made it. While he liked to think he’d predicted Thrawn’s movements accurately, there still existed a chance he would do something unexpected, much to Eli’s chagrin. The heist hinged on Eli’s ability to surprise Thrawn, not the other way around. 

Despite the bet he’d made with Thrawn, Eli started his day the way he would any other. He still had work to do, and he wasn’t about to let anyone accuse him of using the wager to muck around. So he chugged the last of his caf on the way down to supply, where he met with Chief Fennix about current inventories and recent shipments. As Thrawn had said before, the last piece of art he’d had delivered to the  _ Chimaera _ was Lady Vonliss. Seeing as his pursuit of the pirate gang began the day after that piece arrived, he wouldn’t have had time to order more art since. 

With regards to the recent skirmish, some TIE pilots needed parts repaired on their ships or uniforms, leading to a transfer of items from inventory to the onsite mechanic workshop. At present, there didn’t seem to be any TIE repairs the  _ Chimaera _ couldn’t complete onboard. The only repairs they needed done at a station were to the destroyer itself. Everything seemed to be going well except…

Eli frowned when he read over the newest shipping receipt. “Chief, why did the ship receive one barrel of Extinguishine? Our fire prevention system was updated months ago. It doesn’t use Extinguishine anymore.”

Fennix put a hand over his mouth, mustache bristling against his index finger. “I think it was a mistake. We were supposed to receive ten barrels of Wadrokide today. I’ll talk to my subordinates and find out who placed the wrong order.”

“Don’t bother. Just make sure the right stuff gets ordered today. We’re lucky no part of the  _ Chimaera _ caught fire in battle.” 

“Very true, Commander. Should we drop the Extinguishine off at the repair station?”

Eli shook his head. “They won’t have a use for it.”

Fennix frowned. “Well, there’s no point in keeping it on the ship, is there? I know the admiral likes to store unusual items onboard sometimes, but I don’t see what he could do with extinguisher fluid.”

“I’ll ask him today.” Eli wished he could agree with Fennix outright, but Thrawn had done stranger things over the course of his career. “Where are you currently storing the barrel?”

Fennix didn’t answer with words, instead ordering one of his subordinates to fetch the item for Eli. As the barrel had unloaded onto the ship late yesterday, it was still hooked up to a hovercart. “The Extinguishine, Commander Vanto.”

Eli took control of the hovercart from the ensign who’d led it over, thanking her as he did so. “Admiral Thrawn may want to study the liquid’s properties himself. I’ll take it up to his office with me so he can make a decision. If he says no to keeping it around, I’ll dispose of the stuff myself. Don’t worry about it, Chief.”

Fennix raised an eyebrow at Eli’s decision, but didn’t question it. He knew the admiral was an oddball who preferred hands on approaches, but Fennix had the look of someone convinced he was missing something. Had Fennix heard about the wager taking place today? “...Very well, Commander. Is there anything else you need to examine here?”

Eli shook his head. “Nothing else. Thank you for your assistance, Chief Fennix, Ensign…” he checked her plaque for identification, “Wong.”

And so Eli left supply with a barrel of extinguisher fluid by his side. He got a few sideways looks from the officers, troopers, and technicians he passed on his way through the corridors, but no one bothered to stop him before he reached the admiral’s office. He was able to walk right in. “Admiral, sir.”

Thrawn didn’t look up from his schematic at first. Then he seemed to remember what day it was and performed a head to toe examination of Eli. Eli felt like he was walking through a scanner. “Commander Vanto. What have you brought me this morning?”

“This is Extinguishine, sir. Someone in supply ordered a barrel by mistake. The _ Chimaera _ once used Extinguishine to put out internal fire hazards, but the spray leaves a residue on most hard surfaces that can be sticky and difficult to clean. As a result, the Empire made all its ships switch to an improved formula, one sold on the market under the name of Wadrokide,” Eli explained. “I wanted to make sure you didn’t have any use for Extinguishine before the barrel was disposed of.”

Thrawn narrowed his eyes ever so slightly. “What use do you think I might have for inferior extinguisher fluid?”

Eli shrugged, doing his best to appear innocent. “I didn’t know what use you could have for an extra lieutenant badge until you showed me, sir. I try to keep an open mind when it comes to props for your strategies.”

Nothing Eli said was enough to quell Thrawn’s suspicions. He rotated the barrel so that he could read the label on its side, then (to Eli’s surprise) deactivated the sealing mechanism on the barrel lid. Thrawn opened the barrel without hesitation. He pulled back when he realized that, true to what the label claimed, the barrel was indeed filled to the brim with bright pink extinguisher fluid. “Hm.”

“What is it, sir?”

“You haven’t forgotten our wager, I trust.”

“I haven’t. What does a barrel of Extinguishine have to do with it?”

Thrawn’s shoulders slumped as he drew back to his full height. “I suspected the barrel may be empty. That you wished to use it to move my miniature figurine of Lady Vonliss.”

“Didn’t even think of it, sir.” Eli searched for Lady Vonliss in the office. He didn’t see her on display anywhere. “Where is she, anyway?”

“Secure in this room.” Thrawn didn’t elaborate, but he did shift his position such that Eli wouldn’t be able to walk past him to the area behind his desk. 

The move was slight, so slight that Eli couldn’t be certain it was conscious. Eli made a mental note of it before he continued. “You’re going to make me turn over your entire office in search of her, sir?”

“If you were a clever thief, you would have done preliminary research on your target. Planned your heist before its execution. I will not actively assist you in either regard.”

“Of course. You want to win this bet as well. Okay, then.” Eli began to search the room himself. He looked behind a few of the larger statues for a hidden panel in the wall when he felt a cold hand grab at his wrist. Eli turned to face Thrawn. “Sir?”

“You are not authorized to search my office at this time, Commander.” Thrawn pulled him away from his place by the wall. Eli stumbled along towards Thrawn’s desk. “I hope you don’t also intend to pilfer the figurine in my presence.”

“I… can’t tell you my plan.” Eli used his newfound position by Thrawn’s desk to peek over it. He hadn’t been able to enter Thrawn’s office at all in the past three days. He felt no small amount of anxiety over getting the initial steps of his plan in motion with such limited information.

Thrawn tightened his grip on Eli’s wrist, dragging him back to the entryway. Eli tried to follow along, but his foot caught the still open barrel of Extinguishine, sending over a hundred liters of pink fluid splashing onto and around Thrawn’s desk. Thrawn reacted faster than Eli did, releasing Eli in favor of saving the electronics on his desk from compromise. His quick thinking meant nothing on the surface of his desk got covered, but it also placed Thrawn right in the splatter zone. He was drenched from the waist down in slick firefighting liquid. The olive of his uniform hid the pink well enough, but Thrawn’s eyes burned in a way no fluid could put out. 

His expression dangerously blank, he gestured to the (less extensive) stains on Eli’s own uniform. “Clean yourself up, Commander. Summon a janitorial crew to this office. I must change.”

Eli tried to swallow his emotions. “Yes, sir. I’m very sorry for the accident, sir.”

“No matter. Just fix it.”

“Yes, sir.”

* * *

Thrawn had wondered what his aide’s opening move would be in their game of wits. He thought he’d trained Vanto well enough to prevent such a sloppy beginning. First he didn’t know where Thrawn was hiding his target within the office, then he rendered the room unusable with a large liquid mess.

The Extinguishine… had it been a genuine mistake? Thrawn didn’t see how knocking the barrel over could benefit Vanto, but perhaps his aide had begun with another scheme. Maybe he’d brought the fluid to Thrawn purely as an excuse to enter his office today. He needed a chance to search the premises, even if it had to be under Thrawn’s watch. He may not have cared what excuse he needed to use. Unless-

Thrawn pulled the  _ Chimaera _ ’s shipping receipts up on his datapad. Sure enough, the barrel of Extinguishine had arrived yesterday. Contrary to Thrawn’s hypothesis, however, the order for the barrel had been placed over a week ago under the name of a novice supply worker. 

Thrawn winced at the layer of fluid seeping through his pant legs. He despised the adhesive feeling it gave to his lower half almost as much as the loud noise it made when he tracked the fluid from his office to his quarters. Everyone heard him walk by, but none were brave enough to inquire about their admiral’s condition. Perhaps his expression deterred them.

It was unwise of Thrawn to leave his office deserted for too long, though he  _ had _ left two troopers outside the door with instructions to admit none but the janitor. Vanto was not swift at changing his uniform, but Thrawn wanted to make sure his aide had no chance to act in his absence. He made his shower as efficient as possible for that very reason. By the time Thrawn was fit to return, Vanto was nowhere to be seen in the vicinity. Thrawn glanced at the floor leading up to his office, noting the lack of pink footprints remaining on the surface. 

He spoke with the trooper on the left to confirm his suspicions. “The cleaning crew has already arrived?”

“Yes, Admiral.”

“Good. I wish to ask a few questions.” Thrawn assumed the janitor would know how best to remove Extinguishine stains from clothing and shoes. He wanted them to pass on their knowledge to the droids in charge of laundry. 

When he opened the door to his office, the janitor was crouching behind Thrawn’s desk and hiding his face. He had a large plastoid supply cart next to him, one he’d dragged over the puddle of Extinguishine to use. Nothing about his position suggested he was there to clean up the mess.

Thrawn exhaled through his nose. He wished the setup wasn’t so obvious. “Commander Vanto, please exit my office.”

“No Commanders here, sir. I’m a normal janitor,” Vanto replied in a ridiculously deep voice. He did not rise to face Thrawn.

“The regular janitor who cleans this side of the ship is from Onderon. He speaks with a rather distinctive accent.” Thrawn had no particular desire to ruin another pair of shoes, so he refrained from approaching Vanto himself. “Exit now, Commander, or I will ask the guards on duty to remove you.”

Loud sighs. Vanto rose up to his full height with two empty hands raised in surrender. He had thrown a janitor’s jumpsuit over his uniform instead of changing as Thrawn requested. Vanto waded through the pink puddle once again, pushing his cart out with him. “Since when do you keep an alarmed safe beneath your desk, sir?”

“Since I have gained a need for it,” Thrawn answered. “You have found that none of my known passcodes are in use on that safe, I trust.”

“Yeah, I got that.” Vanto didn’t meet Thrawn’s eyes as he trudged towards the door. He winced at the smacking sound his shoes made on dry parts of the floor. “Does having Extinguishine on your shoes make the floor slicker, sir? I don’t want to slip and fall.”

Thrawn shook his head. “I had no such problems. I must ask you to wipe down your shoes before exiting my office, however. I saw that you were kind enough to do a small amount of cleaning while disguised outside.”

“I had to sell it for the guards, sir.”

“I’m sure. Now prevent yourself from tracking extinguisher fluid out of this room and return that cart to the  _ actual _ cleaning crew.”

“Yes, sir,” Vanto responded, heat gathering in either cheek.

Thrawn watched him clean off his shoes, ignoring all of Vanto’s awkward attempts to smile at him. “I hope this is not the extent of your plan for today, Commander Vanto.”

“It’s not. I just got the idea as I was leaving your office.” Vanto sighed, leaning against a wall as he struggled to wipe down the bottom of his shoes. Thrawn watched the heat travel to Vanto’s ears as he scrubbed. “I forgot how fast you showered, sir.”

“Indeed.” Thrawn crossed his arms. “Are you almost done?”

“No. This stuff is ridiculous!”

“Change shoes in your quarters, then. I have work to do.” Thrawn suppressed a smirk. “I suggest you move quickly. The stains only get stickier as they dry.”

“Kriff.” Eli threw his shoes onto the top of the cart. Thrawn stepped aside so that Eli could leave the office. “I’ll be back.”

“I am certain you will.”

Thrawn thought about calling an actual cleaning crew, but hesitated. He recalled the distinctive sound his shoes had made as he left his office. The Extinguishine covered the area surrounding Lady Vonliss without any danger of touching the statue itself. Not only was she locked in a safe, but she also rested inside an alarm-activated weapons carrier for maximum protection.

Thrawn did another quick search on his datapad, this one about the properties of Extinguishine. While the cleaning crew was unlikely to thank him, the fluid posed no risk by being left out until after midnight according to public articles on the Holonet. Thrawn himself would still be able to hear people coming and going from the room next door.

He got as close as he could do his desk without stepping in Extinguishine. The safe beneath his desk still had its door closed with a small green light indicating the lock was still engaged. No matter the copious amount of fluid that had spilled upon it.

Perhaps the barrel spill had been fortunate after all.

* * *

“I hate this stuff!” Eli declared as he grabbed his ruined shoes off from the top of the cleaning cart. He had very pointedly  _ not _ engaged with anyone on his walk of shame away from Thrawn’s office, but that didn’t deafen him to a certain technician snickering at him throughout.

“That’s why you don’t steal the cleaning crew’s job. They deal with messes no one else wants to touch.” Small Arms Tech Jessalyn Wilkes examined her nails as she spoke to Eli. “I don’t mind repairing blaster burns and locked triggers, but I rarely go beyond that.”

Eli rolled his eyes. Wilkes had been present when he stole the cart as well. “How is your morning going, Wilkes?”

“It’s fine. Everything’s running right on schedule.” Wilkes glanced at a nearby chrono. “I should get back to the armory. Good luck with your bet, Commander.”

Eli sighed, watching Wilkes’ red braid swing back and forth as she returned to her shift. He had somewhere to be as well. But first, he needed a fresh uniform. Shoes that didn’t leave pink footprints everywhere would be nice too. 

Eli returned to his quarters to make the switch, rinsing his legs off in the fresher while he was there. He didn’t have time for a full shower. As he was getting ready to return to his work, he made sure to grab his modified mouse droid on the way out. Phase Two of his plan would begin soon.

He didn’t return to Thrawn’s office right away. Thrawn probably expected him to try again immediately, this time with his “real” plan. Instead, Eli made him wait a few hours. He had other tasks to take care of, and if he was lucky, Thrawn would get so absorbed in his work that he wouldn’t watch so closely for Eli around lunchtime.

Once Eli was done hauling various items around the ship, his next stop was the  _ Chimaera’s _ bridge. Eli sent his mouse droid into a hidden corner while he went about his business. Just because the  _ Chimaera  _ had been in a skirmish a few days ago didn’t mean they’d been released from their obligations to patrol the sector. They were still more than capable of engaging troublemakers if the situation arose. As most of the bridge crew was aware of the wager Eli had against Thrawn, several parties wished to ask him about it while he was there.

Not least among them was Hammerly, one of the two people who’d gotten Eli into this mess. “How’s the heist, Vanto?”

He cast a sour look in her direction. “Messy. Embarrassing.”

Hammerly gave him a knowing smile. A  _ you did this to yourself  _ smile, really. “Well, the day’s still young. You have until midnight to pull it off.”

“I know. It’s just… complicated.”

Pyrondi had come over from her place on the bridge to join the conversation. “How so, Vanto? What’s happened so far?”

Eli gave a detailed summary, eyes focused on a spot in the distance as he spoke. The situation felt delicate, as if every second he spent standing there increased his chances of failure. “...So now Thrawn’s office is half covered in sticky, colorful, fire resistant liquid that makes obnoxious noises every time you step in it. He also has a guard stationed outside his office while he does his work in the next room.”

“Oh, so that’s why meetings with the admiral got moved a room. Good job, Vanto,” Pyrondi remarked sarcastically. She glanced at the chrono above her station, then back at Eli. “Speaking of which, I have somewhere to be soon. Good luck!”

“Thanks, Lieutenant Pyrondi. I hope you have a good day yourself.”

And so they both departed the bridge, if in different directions. Eli retrieved his mouse droid before leaving. He’d snatched the droid up two days ago for a reason. Mouse droids weren’t droids one would normally equip with a screwdriver and mini-drill, but the other droids on board were too large for what Eli had in mind. 

He and the droid stopped outside a floor vent. If Eli turned one more corner to the right, he would see the two guards stationed outside Thrawn’s office once again. He wished he could operate at a closer range, but that would attract the troopers’ attention. His droid would just have to travel a bit farther.

Eli crouched down, watching for any passerby as he did. He directed his mouse droid to unscrew the covering on the floor vent, catching the metal bars in his hand once it did. “Now get in the vent,” he whispered.

Once his droid did as it was told, Eli placed the covering back over the vent. He kept the cover up with the back of his shin as he waited in the corridor, doing his best not to look suspicious. 

Less than a minute later, he heard a loud clang from the inside of Thrawn’s office. Eli furrowed his brow, peeked down at the loose vent covering leaning on his legs, and winced. Of course!

The two stormtroopers rushed into Thrawn’s office, demanding the intruder identify himself. One called Eli by name. His mouse droid should have attempted to escape via the floor vent, but by that point, it was too late. It had been compromised. 

“What did you catch? An intruder?” Thrawn asked from the doorway of his temporary office. 

“A mouse droid, sir. Looks like it had some last minute modifications tacked on.”

Eli cursed to himself, then turned the corner. “Don’t break it! I spent a whole evening modifying that droid. The drill is… temperamental.”

Thrawn took the (still protesting) mouse droid from the trooper, examining its drill gently. “It’s good work for an amateur. Shame you didn’t put it to better use, Commander.”

“What do you mean? My work with the mouse droid was pretty good.”

“Your work was loud, Commander. I am not engaged in so much as a meeting at the moment. Where is your diversion?”

Eli leaned forward, not comprehending what Thrawn was saying. “What do you mean ‘where’s my diversion’? You haven’t heard from the bridge recently, sir?” 

Just as Eli said that, Thrawn received a message on his commlink. It was marked urgent. Eli gasped in an exaggerated manner. “That looks important, sir. You better take it and then run to the bridge right away.”

He glanced at Eli with a raised eyebrow before responding. “This is Admiral Thrawn.”

“Admiral, Lieutenant Pyrondi, our weapons display! It’s been hacked.” The second weapons officer yelled at the top of his lungs through the comm. The sound of him frantically pushing buttons could be heard in the background. “None of the displays are showing and… and wait! There’s a message.”

Thrawn kept his voice even. “What does the message say, Lieutenant?”

“It says, um… ‘vcitory will be Vanto’s’, sir.” His voice deflated as he read the message aloud. “Is this a part of that bet you and Commander Vanto have, sir?”

Thrawn ended the call without answering his lieutenant’s question. He looked to Eli. “Vcitory?”

Eli facepalmed with both hands. “It was obviously supposed to say ‘victory’, sir.”

“Obviously.” Thrawn handed Eli’s mouse droid back to one of his guards. “I will be confiscating this item for the remainder of today. You may return it to its normal state after I win.”

Eli scoffed. “ _ You _ win? Don’t count me out just yet, sir. So I had a minor coordination failure just now. That doesn’t mean I’m losing.”

“I’m glad to see you haven’t lost your sense of persistence, Commander. Take lunch to regroup.” Thrawn looked over Eli’s shoulder as he dismissed him. “Ah, Lieutenant Pyrondi.”

Eli wheeled around, nearly running nose first into Pyrondi. “Admiral, sir. I am ready for our briefing. Excuse me, Commander.”

“Excellent.” Thrawn spoke to Pyrondi as Eli made his exit. “Were you on the bridge just now, Lieutenant?”

“No sir, I was eating lunch.”

“I see.”

“Did I miss anything, sir?”

By that point, Eli was too far away to hear Thrawn’s reply. He looked back to see that the two had disappeared into Thrawn’s temporary office. One of the troopers had also stepped out to confiscate the droid Eli had repurposed. That left only one trooper to stare Eli down. He stayed at the door of his post, daring Eli to make a move. Eli stared back, surprised when the trooper was the one to back down first. He ducked into Thrawn’s wrecked office to make sure everything was where it was supposed to be.

“You saw my droid. It didn’t get anything out.” Eli shouted across the hall. He took a few steps back towards the office so the two could converse.

The trooper responded from inside the office, good natured despite their current status as adversaries. “Just being cautious, Commander. You know what the admiral expects from his guards.”

“I do. Nothing to report?”

The trooper shook his head. “Your target is right where it should be. Time is ticking for you, Commander.”

Eli winced. “Maybe I’ll wait for your shift to end first. You and Hitchcock are too vigilant for me.”

“We’re doing our jobs as assigned, Commander.”

“I know. Enjoy door duty.” Eli had no moves left at the moment. He left the hall in peace.

Eli dropped in on the bridge again to make sure his program hadn’t done anything permanent to the weapons displays. Lieutenant Thorpe (the officer on the comm earlier) was none too pleased with Eli, but everything else seemed to be fine.

From there, Eli made his way to the officer’s mess for lunch. After that, datawork.

After that… more datawork, followed by meetings. Eli had wanted to fine tune the next steps of his plan, but Thrawn had packed his afternoon with every meeting the ship needed to be in that did not require the admiral’s direct attention. Some of these meetings could have waited a few days (or been better handled by another), of course, but Eli suspected Thrawn had scheduled him to attend today on purpose. Even if Eli wanted to reschedule them, he wouldn’t be able to. Having an ongoing bet with the admiral was not a valid reason to postpone official duties.

The afternoon could not have passed slower for Eli. Some of the meetings were pleasant enough, seeing as they came from emissaries of the businesses the pirate gang had previously terrorized. They mostly just wanted to offer their gratitude and ensure the _ Chimaera _ would continue to protect them for the foreseeable future. Long as these calls dragged on, Eli didn’t have a problem answering them. At least the emissaries were being nice.

The less enjoyable calls came from Imperial judicial officials who objected to Thrawn’s exact method of capturing the pirate queen. They claimed it compromised the integrity of her upcoming trial, as if the Empire wouldn’t win regardless. Eli spent over two hours soothing their concerns, wishing once again it could have been Faro or Hammerly taking this call. Both handled people like this better than Eli did. They had more patience with such folks. 

The last meeting Eli had came at the tail end of his shift. It was a relief after the mess that was his last call. All Eli had to do was confirm the time of the  _ Chimaera _ ’s arrival tomorrow at an Imperial repair station. He went over what the ship was going to need done and expressed relief that the repairs would be swift. Much as some of the crew might prefer a temporary docking, Thrawn hated to be out of action for any longer than necessary. To him, any moment spent away from his duties was a moment the enemy had to gather their forces.

“Yes, thank you again. Good day to you as well.” Eli groaned with relief the second he hung up. He pinched the bridge of his nose, spreading his fingers out to rub his eyes. How was playing receptionist more exhausting than art thievery?

Speaking of art thievery… Eli knew the shifts would be changing soon. He needed to launch Phase Three while the window of opportunity stayed open. 

And for that, he needed to visit the hangar.

* * *

Thrawn knew how despicable it was to dump so many pointless meetings on one person, but he appreciated the peace it brought him in the afternoon. Since Vanto would not be able to leave his office for the rest of his shift, Thrawn didn’t have to put up with any heist-related shenanigans. Such were the advantages of facing a lone adversary.

Despite that, Thrawn’s advantage would be ending soon. He’d already announced his intention to prolong his shift to midnight, but Vanto would be free to move around once more very soon. He wondered what backup scheme Vanto had dreamed up in the meantime.

Just as he thought that, he got an alert on his comm from Hangarmaster Xoxtin. “Admiral, Commander Vanto just snuck into the hangar. He seems to think he’s being discreet.”

Thrawn paused. The hangar? What did Vanto stand to gain by visiting the hangar right now? Everything he sought to obtain was still secured in Thrawn’s office. “What do you make of it, Senior Lieutenant?”

“I don’t know what he’s doing in here. You bet with him involves your office, right sir?”

“Quite heavily, yes. I have no insight to offer you as to why Commander Vanto would not reveal himself to you if he has business in the hangar.” Thrawn hesitated, then added. “If you would be so kind as to monitor him in the meantime, Lieutenant, I wish to catch Commander Vanto in the act.”

Xoxtin partially prevented her groan from being picked up by the comm’s speaker. “Yes, sir. If he messes with anything in the hangar for the sake of a  _ game _ , he will answer to me.”

Thrawn reexamined the state of affairs before departing his temporary office. Xoxtin and Vanto had never been fond of each other. Thrawn did not believe for a second his aide had enlisted her help in luring him away from his office. Furthermore, the message he received had come from Xoxtin’s personal comm, not the hangar itself. Even if Vanto had managed to nick her comm, his impression of others’ voices from this morning had been dismal at best. Thrawn did believe he’d spoken to the genuine Lieutenant Xoxtin just now.

At the same time, the reason for Vanto’s visit to the hangar remained a mystery. Perhaps he was setting up another diversion, a superior variation of the one he’d attempted on the bridge earlier. Maybe he needed a specific tool. Either way, Thrawn had no intention of letting him succeed and derived a perverse pleasure from thwarting his aide in person.

He instructed his pair of troopers to remain extra vigilant before he left and to pass on the instruction to whoever relieved them for the night shift. They saluted in affirmation. From that point on, Thrawn wasted no time in reaching the hangar. He ignored the increased corridor traffic created by shift change and in turn, retiring personnel did their best to stay out of his way.

Thrawn stopped outside the hangar’s entrance, raising his commlink to his lips. “An update, Lieutenant.”

“He’s by the troop transports, sir. I can’t get any closer without him noticing me.”

“Very well. Thank you for your cooperation.” Thrawn entered the hangar and wasted no time finding Vanto. He was laying on his back half underneath one of the transports.

Vanto looked up from his project and sighed. “Now you’re early? Dammit!”

“Commander Vanto, what are you doing? Why are you sabotaging a transport?”

He hurled his wrench to the side, then stood up. “I wasn’t going to do anything that the mechanics can’t easily fix. All I wanted was to take the legs off and send the transport sliding. I was going to rig it so enough ships came loose at the same time and caused a scene.”   
  
“And you thought that once you did, you would be able to escape the hangar, run to my office, distract my guards, break through my security measures, and steal Lady Vonliss all before I realized your ruse?”

Vanto’s shoulders slumped. “I don’t need to tell you how I was going to win. How did you catch me here so early, anyway? This is the first ship I’ve touched.”

“Hangarmaster Xoxtin does not appreciate your visit to the hangar at the end of her shift. She is aware of our outstanding wager.”

Vanto swore under his breath. “Kriffing Xoxtin.”

Thrawn tilted his head a few degrees. “She has a duty to maintain order in the hangar. It was appropriate of her to inform me of your whereabouts.”

“I know. It’s just…” Eli forced a laugh. “It’s fine. I definitely have other plans I can use. I’ll steal your statue yet, Admiral!”

“You only have a few hours left, Commander. In the meantime, do make sure you eat dinner. I’d hate for you to let this wager impact your fitness for duty tomorrow. Also, don’t lose any more sleep on the matter. I don’t want you looking deprived when we attend the auction together.”

“You are not taking me to an auction. Never again.” Vanto tried to saunter off dramatically, but he ran into Xoxtin on his way out.

She did not let him past her. “No, you go fix what you did to that transport. I am not letting you leave until everything is back the way it was.”

“I suspect I shall see more of you later tonight, Commander. Good evening to you, Lieutenant Xoxtin.” Thrawn slid past the pair without issue. 

When Thrawn returned to the corridor of his office, he greeted the new shift of stormtrooper guards. They promised Thrawn that they had peeked inside the office in his absence and saw no sign that anything new had occurred. Logical, seeing as Vanto had no chance to pay a visit.

Thrawn’s spine had only just brushed the back of his chair again when Xoxtin called him once more. “Yes, Lieutenant?”

“Request for you to punish your aide for his act of sabotage, sir.”

“Request denied. I told him he could attempt his worst when we formed our wager. The battle of wits concludes at midnight.”

Xoxtin spoke through her teeth from that point on. “With all due respect, sir, Commander Vanto just attempted to compromise ships in the hangar, ships we could need in an emergency situation. Earlier today, I heard he hacked our weapons display for one of his pranks. I don’t care what sporting agreement you have with him. This is still an Imperial Star Destroyer and we still have our duties to the Empire.”

Thrawn considered her points, then inclined his head. “You are correct, Lieutenant. I can see how some of Commander Vanto’s antics may have posed a risk if the  _ Chimaera _ were to be attacked today. Furthermore, I sense his repeated failures to make progress in our bet are causing him to escalate. I will make the following addendum known to the officers of the night shift: should Commander Vanto be caught in an act he could reasonably foresee bringing harm to his men, he may be thrown in the brig and held there until midnight tonight. I trust that will be sufficient.”

“...It will have to do, sir.”

“Good. You may end your shift, Lieutenant.” Thrawn hung up before Xoxtin could get another word in.

Thrawn suspected he knew Xoxtin’s view of him, but he didn’t mind her personally. Her methods in managing the hangar could be particular, but people had levied the same criticisms at Thrawn in the not-so-distant past. The further one ascended in rank in the Empire, the more freedom they possessed to exercise their own methods. So long as she performed her duties well, Thrawn would never fault Xoxtin for how she went about things.

The next few hours passed suspiciously quietly. Thrawn caught up on all his work for the day and more while he waited for Vanto to make another attempt. The only event that came even close was when his trooper guard claimed they heard noises in the ceiling vent to Thrawn’s office. The mess prevented anyone from confirming it, but Thrawn suspected Vanto had snuck into the ventilation shaft somewhere and had attempted to circumvent the stormtroopers that way. Vanto was certainly compact enough for such a feat, but he lacked the grace necessary to prevent his movements from making noise. If he’d actually been in the vents, the guards’ examination of the room would have scared him off.

With less than an hour left in the heist, Thrawn felt concern seeping in. Vanto hadn’t given up, had he? Thrawn thought that Vanto would be courteous enough for a formal surrender if that were the case. 

Tired of sitting in his temporary office, Thrawn decided to check his regular room himself. The pink of the Extinguishine had faded in saturation since this morning, and one of his two vent covers had landed in the mess. Thrawn’s only comfort was that all art had been spared when Vanto tripped on the now-sideways barrel. Aside from the one vent cover, Thrawn observed no disturbances in the puddle (before it would have dried) and no new objects stuck in the puddle (after it would have dried). In a way, the Extinguishine made a better security system than Thrawn’s alarms. Vanto ruined his chance when the day had just begun.

Now, for the moment of truth. Thrawn walked as close as he dared to the safe beneath his desk. He bent down to check on it when-

“Admiral Thrawn! Urgent news.”

Thrawn straightened his posture immediately. “Yes, Captain Holt?”

The stormtrooper captain caught his breath in the doorway. “Your aide, Commander Vanto. He was caught with corrosive agents on his person. My men took your directive seriously and threw him in the brig.”

Thrawn did not react externally to the news. “I see. Was this just now?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Hm… I suspected this may happen. Will you walk with me to visit the commander in his cell, Captain?”

“Er… yessir.” Holt escorted him to the brig. He opened the cell at the end of the hall for Thrawn to enter.

Inside sat Commander Vanto, hair ruffled and collar undone. He had his legs pressed together and folded under his seat as he made eye contact with Thrawn. “Admiral, sir. Welcome to the endgame.”

“Good evening, Commander. I hope you will accept your defeat amicably.”

“Defeat?” Vanto tried to laugh. The sound caught in his throat. “You underestimate me, sir.”

“You have been correctly estimated, Commander Vanto. With less than ten minutes left before midnight, you are locked in the brig with no chance to reach my office. Even if you were able to escape, you would still need to break into my safe and through the figurine’s personal carrier to retrieve your target. You have not started on either task.”

“Why am I in the brig, anyway? You said I could do my worst in this bet.”

“I had to balance my word against the needs of the ship. Your repeated failures made you desperate, Commander. So desperate, your elaborate diversions and employment of restricted substances have made you a potential risk to the combat capability of the  _ Chimaera _ .” Thrawn paused for effect. “If you would be so kind as to satisfy my curiosity, what did you intend to use the corrosive agents for?”   


Vanto was past the point of resistance now. “I stole the super acid so I could burn through your safe without guessing the combination. I wasn’t going to hurt anybody. I even stole equipment to manage my doses so I don’t disintegrate Lady Vonliss on accident.” 

“A noble sentiment, had you had the chance to implement it.”

Vanto chuckled, a delirious smirk slipping onto his face. “You know… today has been a little much. Maybe I did get too involved in the bet. I’ll give you one last chance to call this thing off, sir.”

“Why would I do that, Commander? I’m about to have company at my next art auction.” Thrawn leaned in to sell the bit. “I have bought two tickets for an all day event. There shall be eleven hours of every sort of Zygerrian antiquity, all sold to the highest bidder among the Imperial elite.”

Vanto shrugged even as his legs tensed, folding further underneath him. “Okay. The offer was for you, sir. I wanted to give you one last out before I blew your mind.”

Thrawn blinked at his aide. How much sleep had Vanto lost over this wager? What was not clear to him about the current situation? “Commander Vanto, you are obviously quite tired. We are going to rest here, you and I, in this cell until midnight. When that moment comes, I want you to admit your defeat. Admitting defeat is a warrior’s first step to learning from his mistakes.”

Vanto’s head lolled back against the hard durasteel of the cell. “I can rest for five minutes. It’s been a long day.”

Thrawn watched the time tick to nothing on his chrono. The soft sound of Vanto snoring took the air three minutes before time was up. Thrawn allowed himself a small smile. 

As the last second drifted away, Thrawn roused Vanto with a pointed clear of the throat. Vanto’s head shot up instantly, almost exaggeratedly so. “What’d I miss?”

“Commander Vanto, it is midnight. You have lost our wager. Will you first admit your defeat now, or tomorrow morning?” Vanto shook his head, refusing to concede. “Very well. I will allow you to address the entirety of the ship tomorrow. Be sure to prepare a detailed report discussing every element of your failure in the battle you waged against me.”

Thrawn turned to leave. He was almost out the door when he caught one of Vanto’s protests.

“Sir, wait…”

Thrawn stopped, but did not turn around. “You are free to leave the brig now, Commander. I need to send a real janitor to my office.”

“No, Thrawn, turn around. I need to show you something.”

After a moment of hesitation, Thrawn indulged his aide. When he turned around, his eyes nearly popped out of their sockets.

Vanto had a white bag hidden behind his legs. He undid the string on the top with an energetic smile. All traces of exhaustion had vanished from his demeanor. As the string came loose, Vanto reached one hand down into his bag…

...and removed a twenty centimeter statue of a woman in armor, one with blood on her blade and determination in her stance.

Lady Vonliss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If any of you are familiar with the source material for this fic (Brooklyn 99's Halloween Heists), you should have seen this ending coming. If not, I will explain what went down in the next chapter.
> 
> This was really fun to write. I hope you all liked reading it. Until I post again, I have an eight am shift at work tomorrow and need to get ready for bed. Thanks for reading!


	3. Results Explained

Eli couldn’t help it. He folded over laughing at Thrawn’s sheer befuddlement. The drawn back shoulders, the crossbreed of a frown and a sneer on his lips, the burning red eyelock on Lady Vonliss… it was the most expressive Eli had seen him in all their years of serving together. He wished he could have taken a picture and shared the memory with everyone onboard. 

Thrawn could hardly speak. “How… how did you- you never even-”

“No,  _ I  _ never did. But it’s just like you said three days ago: all the plans in the galaxy are useless without a faithful crew to execute them.” Eli glanced at Lady Vonliss, whom he held aloft by the waist. “Milady Vonliss knew the importance of building up confidence between her and her men. That’s why none of them turned on her when she was injured in battle and revealed as a woman.”

Thrawn blinked several times, trying and failing to shift his expression back into neutral. “You recruited accomplices.”

“I did. But that’s not all I did. Would you like me to recount my day to you, sir?”

“Yes, Commander. You will leave nothing out of your account.” Thrawn’s eyes shifted from Lady Vonliss to Eli, narrowed with apparent hostility. 

Eli doubted Thrawn was actually mad. Embarrassed, yes, but not angry. He always liked a good challenge. “Very well, sir. This morning, I woke up the way I always do. For my first task of the day, I went down to supply with the express purpose of retrieving an item, an item I knew got delivered the day before and would be the perfect start to my plans.”

“The Extinguishine.”   


“Yes, sir. Now, the reason I gave you for why Extinguishine is no longer used on Imperial ships is the Empire’s public stance on the matter. What I didn’t tell you is the full reason for the switch. The truth is something you have the clearance to find out, but I doubted you would look that far into it. You rarely concern yourself with such minute details about routine ship operations.”

The creases in Thrawn’s forehead grew in number. “What is the reason?”

Eli smirked. “Not only does Extinguishine leave a sticky residue on most surfaces, it also disables certain machinery when exposed to the wiring. This was discovered a year ago when a group of marauders took over an Imperial cruiser. The cruiser had had a popcorn incident onboard the day prior, and Extinguishine residue prevented their intruder alert from going off. I think half the crew was asleep when they got killed. In our case, I intentionally tripped on that barrel of Extinguishine so that I could disable the alarm on your safe.”

“Hence why you had to search my office first. You needed to know where my safe was in order to direct your attack.”

“Exactly.” Eli gestured at Thrawn with his open hand, leaning back as he did so. “I knew you had the safe. I  _ was _ watching you in the days leading up to the heist, sir.”

Thrawn hesitated, then nodded to show he understood. “I did the right thing in rescuing my electronics from harm, then. Pouring the Extinguishine out in my office was not enough to disable my safe, however. You had to get the fluid to seep into the internal wiring of the device.”

“Mmhm. Hence my janitor impersonation. I ran to the nearest cleaning station the second you ordered me out of your office. That was my plan from the beginning.” Eli tilted his head. “I knew about your safe. I knew how to disable it without you realizing. Even better, I knew how to expel you from your office for the duration of the day. I knew you’d look at your sticky, colorful footprints on the way back to your quarters and decide that Extinguishine was just one more security measure for you.”

Thrawn frowned. “That is exactly what I thought. You accomplished a remarkable amount in one gambit, Commander.”

“Thank you. There’s more. See, I knew you showered fast. We were roommates for too long in too many places for me to forget. Even if I did get the Extinguishine into the internal wiring, there was one more thing I needed to accomplish before you caught me.”

“And I did catch you. It only took me a few minutes.”

Eli pointed. “Right… but you didn’t catch Wilkes.” Eli stood up to knock on the cell wall to his left. “Hey, Wilkes? You still awake?”

Shuffling could be heard in the adjacent cell. Captain Holt stepped aside so Technician Wilkes could join the party. She’d donned her athletic wear for the occasion. “Heck yeah I stayed up for this. Happy Heist, Admiral.”

Thrawn’s brow furrowed even deeper. “Small Arms Technician Wilkes. You provided me with the weapons carrier I use for Lady Vonliss.”

“Yessir. I have provided you with every carrier you use on your artwork.” She locked eyes with Vanto, pointer finger extended. “Until you get a custom container for each piece, of course. But Commander Vanto tells me your lady statue’s hasn’t arrived yet. Hence why you still had one of my weapons carriers.”

“I hid Technician Wilkes inside the cleaning cart. She knows how to break the carriers open when their locks get jammed. I had her open Lady Vonliss’s carrier from the back but leave her in the safe.”

“The cart you used was constructed from plastoid,” Thrawn mused. “Plastoid doesn’t retain or conduct heat as well as other materials… hence why I couldn’t see the technician.”

“Exactly. I cannot tell you how thrilled I was when you didn’t notice her, sir.”

“Yeah, that was fun.” Wilkes broke out into a full toothed grin. 

“So you had the ability to walk out of room with your target in hand, yet you didn’t at the time,” Thrawn summarized. “Why not, Commander?”

“Two reasons: One, I wanted to make damn sure there weren’t any additional security features on the statue itself. I worried you might have had an additional scanner on the door or something. Two, the timing didn’t line up. You burst in through the door right as Wilkes got a hole in the carrier. The hole wasn’t yet big enough for me to pull the statue out. All I could do was close the safe and make sure everything looked normal from the outside.”

“I see.” Thrawn put a hand up to his chin. “Was that the extent of Technician Wilkes’ involvement in your scheme, Commander?” Eli nodded. “Good. Technician Wilkes, you are dismissed to your quarters. Rest well.”

Wilkes’ shoulders dropped. “Yes, sir. Good night, Admiral, Commander.” It was with no small amount of reluctance that Wilkes exited the brig.

“Why did you kick her out? I told her she could stick around for the whole story.”

“Did you not recount your entire plan to her during recruitment?”

“No, I didn’t do that for anyone. I was afraid you might catch one of my accomplices and press them for information.”

“Good. You have no need to tell them now either. It is enough that this bet requires me to reveal I can be brought low by my own crew. No one needs a detailed account of my many oversights and failures.”

Eli was about to argue that it wasn’t that serious, but knowing the sheer lengths of pettiness some of Thrawn’s rivals in the Empire had gone to in order to make both their careers harder, it could well be. “I understand, sir. Would you like me to continue my story?”

“Please do.”

“Right. My next move took some setting up. I needed the Extinguishine to dry, first and foremost. I worried if the liquid patterns were disturbed when you checked your office later that you would realize someone had been inside. While that was happening, I procured the necessary materials for someone to swing up and down a rope to the area behind your desk. My setup needed to be transportable through the ceiling vent, easy to put up and take down, and mostly silent when in use. I consulted with some of the stealth ops troopers about what equipment I would need. Sergeant Diaz was kind enough to lend me everything I would need for the job. I also got disposable gloves and temporary covers for shoes so that my accomplices didn’t get sticky. You would both hear and see it if they did.”

Thrawn listened patiently for a natural break in Eli’s monologue so that he could ask, “the ceiling vent, Commander? You utilized the floor vent next.”

“That’s correct. I actually used both vents at the same time. Once I had all the gear my accomplice would need stored in her entry vent opening, I took a trip to the bridge with my trusty mouse droid. We had a program to install on the weapons display. Speaking of weapons...” Eli took a second to revel in what he was about to reveal next. “Did you know Lieutenant Pyrondi has prior experience with stealth missions?” 

Eli knocked on the wall once again. This time, Pyrondi entered the cell with a bright beam on her face. “Happy Heist, Admiral sir!”

Thrawn didn’t answer right away. He was too busy maintaining a blank expression on his face. “I know of Lieutenant Pyrondi’s previous record, yes. It was before you transferred out of the Imperial ground army, correct Lieutenant?”

“Yessir.”

“And she also had a meeting scheduled with you around the time I wanted to strike, giving her an explicit reason to leave the bridge. Once she had time to get in place in the ceiling ventilation, I sent my mouse droid into the floor vent to trigger a diversion. Your door guards catching my droid and taking it to you was her signal to enter your office proper.”

“The modifications made to your mouse droid… you did actually make them yourself, correct?”

Eli nodded. “We’ve been on enough missions together that you know my handiwork, sir. I worried if I asked someone else to work on the droid that you would realize I had other crew members in on the heist.” He used that point as a segway into what happened next. “Now, Pyrondi had to swoop in, cut through the hole Wilkes made, disable any additional security you might have placed on Lady Vonliss-”

“-there was none-” Pyrondi’s comments overlapped with Eli’s.

“-get the statue out of the dried Extinguishine puddle to prevent damages, and get back out to meet with you in a timely manner. I knew my droid distraction wouldn’t give her enough time to do all of that. Hence my stunt with the weapons display. That diversion happened exactly on time.”

“But your bumbling performance before me convinced me that it triggered late, encouraging me to question your competence and therefore underestimate you.” Thrawn was getting better at putting the pieces together as Eli’s explanation went on. “Is that why you misspelled ‘victory’, Commander Vanto?”

Eli froze, then blinked. Um… “Exactly.”

“I see.” Thrawn glanced from Eli to Pyrondi and back again. “Now, was Lieutenant Thorpe in on your ruse, Commander? Were his antics a performance as well?”

“No, his reactions were real.” Pyrondi answered for Eli. “Lieutenant Thorpe recently transferred out of Lord Vader’s command, sir. We didn’t think he was up to pulling tricks on his CO anytime soon, even if the tricks are harmless and you agreed to participate.”

“Understandable. Just so we are clear, Lieutenant: at the end of your part in the heist, Lady Vonliss still rested in my office?”

“Yessir.”

“Why is that?”

Eli took over the justification for her. “I wanted to store Lady Vonliss somewhere specific just in case you noticed her missing later. Pyrondi didn’t have time to move her without being late to your meeting. She wasn’t about to arrive at the briefing with the statue under her tunic, sir.”

“I see. Such was the extent of Lieutenant Pyrondi’s role in the heist?”

“Yes. Would you like me to step out now, sir?”

“I do. Goodnight, Lieutenant.” Thrawn waited for Pyrondi to leave before asking his next question. “How did the statue leave my office then, Commander? When did that happen?”

Eli paced back to the left wall of his cell. He was about to knock again in a minute. “That occurred during shift change, sir. While I was in the hangar, another person entered your office, took the statue from where Pyrondi had hid her, and moved it to behind the bar of the cantina. I had a couple of accomplices for what I did at that point.”

Thrawn raised an eyebrow. “Lieutenant Xoxtin is about to join us?”

“Absolutely not. I did try to talk about the heist with her, but she refused to hear a word about our ‘juvenile game’ and criticized me for making light of my service to the Empire. So I just manipulated her into doing what I wanted anyway.” Eli ended with a smile. “Learned from the best on that one.”

Thrawn’s eyes shone brighter at those words. “I see. What were you doing in the hangar then, Commander?”

“Getting you away from your office. By now, you’d ‘foiled’ me twice. Your evil,  _ evil _ scheduling of my afternoon meetings showed me what a personal pleasure you took in blocking me from winning the bet. I felt confident in assuming that if you thought I was up to something heist related in a distant corner of the ship that you would elect to thwart me in person. So I walked past Lieutenant Xoxtin in increasingly suspicious ways until she called you. Once she summoned you to the hangar, my real accomplices were ready to spring into action.”

“Who are these real accomplices, Commander?”

“Ready for it?” Eli knocked for a third time on the wall. This time, two off-duty stormtroopers appeared wearing only their black bodysuits. “Let me introduce you to-”

“Troopers Hitchcock and Scully.” Thrawn finished for his aide, giving each man a discerning once over. “My door guards for the day shift. Commander Vanto enlisted the pair of you in his scheme?”

“We’re a little hurt you didn’t notice, sir,” Hitchcock admitted. “We’ve been stationed on this ship for years, Admiral. We see Commander Vanto all the time. Did you really think he could fool us by wearing a jumpsuit and mopping the floor?”

“My thoughts exactly, sir. Why station a guard by your door if you don’t think we do anything?” Scully added. “You trusted enough when we checked your office after the mouse droid incident.”

“That’s right. If you’d looked yourself and found that lady statue in the open floor vent, Vanto’s plan would have been over.”

Thrawn paused for an embarrassingly long time, then inclined his head. “I concede your points, troopers. I endeavor to appreciate every contribution my crew makes to our missions. Here you have given me a way in which I can improve.”

The troopers returned his nod. “Thank you, sir.”

“Did this pair make any other contribution to your plan, Commander?”

Vanto shook his head. “I think that’s everything for them. You guys’ part may have seemed minor, but it was instrumental to what I needed to accomplish. I could not have pulled off the plan I had if the door guards weren’t in on the job. Thank you, both of you. I’ll see you next shift.”

Hitchcock and Scully saluted, then waited for Thrawn to confirm their dismissal. Once they were gone, Thrawn and Eli got back to breaking the day down. “I’ll grant your plan was clever. There are still three things I don’t understand, however.”

“What are they?”

Thrawn pinched his nose, signs of tiredness showing for the first time that night. “Who entered the ceiling vent by my office after dinnertime and why? You had already removed the statue from my office. What other business did you have?”

“That was me, sir. Pyrondi told me at dinner that she’d accidentally left one of her shoe coverings hanging from the vent opening to your office. She was worried you might notice it and figure out something had happened before midnight came.”

“Which leads me to my next area of inquiry. You had accomplished every objective the bet listed in time to eat dinner, yet you still triggered your own arrest shortly before midnight. Why?”

“Because nothing in our rules said you couldn’t steal Lady Vonliss back from me. You said she had to be in my possession at midnight. It would have been really anticlimactic if you took her out of my hands right as time ran out, sir. I would be furious if I lost that way.” Vanto’s smile returned as he said his next piece. “As for why we’re in the brig, Faro, Hammerly, and I all agreed this would be a more dramatic place to conclude the night once we heard about your little directive. My original plan was to knock on your temporary office door with Lady Vonliss in my hand.”

Thrawn turned towards the cell door, half expecting Faro and Hammerly to walk through it. “Faro and Hammerly were aware of your scheme?”

Eli snorted. “More than aware, they were some of my most vital accomplices of all. Without them, this bet never would have happened. I never would have gotten a chance to put my brilliant strategy into motion.

“Also, both commanders are in bed. They didn’t feel like staying up for our confrontation.”

Thrawn balked at those statements. “Then… three days ago. After I got off the call with Admiral Konstantine. The three of you… you baited me?”

“We did. Fun fact: Faro was the last person to agree to help me. I spent hours pleading with her because I needed to steal an art piece you were keeping in a weapons carrier. Otherwise, Wilkes wouldn’t have been able to help me break through it. The only piece that condition applied to was Lady Vonliss. The only way I knew to convince you Lady Vonliss should be the target is if Faro, a woman whose opinion you respect and has seen your art collection, chose it. Given her love of the piece, you wouldn’t have questioned why she picked it either.”

“I see. How long have you been planning this heist, Commander?”

“A little under two weeks. I started right as our pursuit of the pirate gang got underway. That gave me enough time to order Extinguishine under a junior officer’s name, talk to people in the armory about weapons carriers… all those things.”

“How did you convince each person to become your accomplice?”

“I walked up to them off-shift and asked ‘who wants to help me outsmart Admiral Thrawn?’ Most people agreed on the spot.”

“Why did you all bait me into humiliating myself?”

Eli twinged internally at Thrawn’s choice of words. Outwardly, his expression barely changed. “For the same reasons I specified three days ago, sir. I wanted to show you what I could get away with on this ship in a way that didn’t harm anyone. Along the way, I wanted to prove to the crew that you’re mortal after all. Some people… um,” Eli chewed on how exactly to phrase his next bit, “some people on this ship think that because you’re so good at adapting to seemingly unfavorable situations, their efforts don’t really matter. You would succeed on missions with any crew, not just, necessarily, with them.”

Thrawn’s features softened as he took Eli’s words to heart. “Perhaps I would still accomplish some tasks at the helm of a lesser crew, but the victories we win are only possible because of what each unique soldier brings to the battle. The Empire may standardize personnel, but that doesn’t make each person a perfect substitute for another. Not even within the same occupation is that the case. If witnessing my defeat in this wager gives portions of the crew more faith in their abilities, it may be worth whatever damage the news heaps upon my reputation.

“As for your abilities specifically, Commander… I never doubted you. I always knew you were capable of leading other soldiers into battle. Your strategies have come a long way since we first met. I’m glad my intervention took you off the supply track. You were talented there, but you possess a greater talent for where you are now. My only question going into today was whether you would apply your skills effectively to the task before you. You have exceeded my expectations on all counts. You shouldn’t need me to make a public bridge announcement to know that you are an amazing officer… slash genius.”

“Awwwww,” Eli cooed. “That’s so nice of you, sir. I still want you to make the bridge announcement, though.”

Thrawn sighed. “Of course you do. Out of recognition to your accomplices, I will be sure to include each one in my announcement tomorrow, but I hope they understand I’m only doing your datawork and not theirs as well.”

“They know.”

For the first time since Eli’s reveal, Thrawn had a miniature smile on his face. “Good. If that is all, you are dismissed.”

“Oh good.” Eli handed Lady Vonliss back to Thrawn on his way out. Much as he’d enjoyed executing a heist, he knew he was going to be tired tomorrow.

But at least there’d be less datawork for him to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a busy day tomorrow, so ending notes will be short. All I'll say is that I had a great time with this fic and I'm glad so many of you have enjoyed it as well. Your comments really do make me smile. Thanks for reading!


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